Life

So I know in a blog you’re supposed to pretty much say what's on your mind. Well on my mind lately has been the topic of life...just life in general the starting of it, the process of how someone’s life plays out, and evens the end. Let's see here so I guess to start at the beginning would be...too far. So I will start at the beginning of my New York adventure.

This is how it begins!!!!!!

So life has a way of taking you down some roads that aren't the best for traveling. It’s when we choose to take the path less traveled that we learn and grow. Well some incidents happened in my life that forced me to realize that I needed to start somewhere where I could find out who I was. So I decided to take it up with Google. I typed "Christian Colleges in the U.S" and hit the search button. This was the listing of Addresses that came up

1. http://www.davisny.edu/

2. http://www.pcci.edu/

3. http://www.wheaton.edu/

4. http://www.crown.edu/

5. http://www.concordia.edu/

This was the top 5 results of my search...what do you see when you type in my search...deferentially not this list. Well I chose the first one on the list and knew music was my aim. I clicked on Davis and found there music program to be kinda eye catching—and their campus very beautiful. This searched happened on June 20, 2009 and by July 17, 2009 I was sitting in Binghamton, NY, some 2000 miles away from my home in Missoula, MT. I WAS SCARED!!!!! At first I lived with a host family that was very kind and generous, but I saw that life would be a lot easier on me if I lived in the dorms. So my mother decided to get me a dorm room. Life started to get easier...sort of. I was hit kinda hard with some depression and homesickness but I guess that was to be expected. Some incidents in September led me to meet an amazing man of God, Andrew Lee Mitzel. Well I ended up falling in love with this man’s heart and his steadfast will to serve God no matter what sacrifices need be made. Life in NY started to get a lot easier. I had someone who would help keep me spiritually accountable but at the same time love me and keep me under his protection. Three months later the start of a new year brings in the continuation of an amazing fellowship with this man. On December 31, 2009 Andrew will be flying into Missoula, Montana to see my side of life. I’m nervous and excited. I choose to embrace the butterflies. Come January 11, 2009 I start the second semester of my freshman year at Davis Bible College and I have never been happier with my life. I love the people God has surrounded me with but I also miss the ones he gave me and allowed me to keep.


So in all this is my life since I have left Missoula, Montana. Coming home and seeing my friends and family has been nice and it has been amazing but I will be glad to get back to school and get back to the everyday life of the "College Student".

Pondered

You never really know what you have in your life till its gone from you for either a short time or forever. You tend to realize how much people mean when there not in your life anymore. Take your parents for instance. We live the first entire half of our lives with them. Than come one day we decided to leave, its during our absence that we realize how much our parents really meant to us. When we loose a loved one weather to death or to the realization of no compatibility you start to remember the things about that person that really made your day and just made you laugh and smile. Some things were not meant to make up the aspects of your life. Those things cause unresolvable conflict. They become the haunting burden you face every time you close your eyes. Coming home and starting the New Year, I want to start over. Remove everything from my life that is burdened and resolve anything that is unresolved. Where forgiveness is asked there shall it be received.

Hurt

Have you ever had a person in your life that ment so much to you that you were willing to take all the trials and all the grief that came with them. Parents know what is best... sometimes. Your heart is your own. Im so tired of people that would much rather ignore their heart to make other shappy and in the end there left with nothing but pain. If you love someone enough that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with them... standing up for them is something that should come natural to you. AGAPE Means love without expecting love in return, but are you really willing to do this. Can you take your love and stand up for it. Cause from my eyes you can't. When people sit there and tell you that your idea or your love is wrong, you should stand up and say hey this is my heart this is my life. It kills me to see when someone in love is scared to the point that they would let someone walk all over the relationship and not say one word... Think about it... what is your love to you. Is it Agape, is it unconditional, or is it lust of the flesh... sometimes I wonder...

GOSSIP

What do we see in our minds eye when we thing about being a true christian? Do we think to turn and gossip about the person walking behind us that is different or, the person who stands out. In our "Christian" walks today we fall to the every day life of those that aren't even christian. No longer do some strive to be more like God every day. We JUDGE!!!!!!!!! We try to play and "Earthy God" Not everyone is the Perfect Christian Image!!!!!!!!! A past is in no way, shape, or form grounds for judgement. If you are choosing to take your past and make it your present than we have some accountability problems that need to be fixed... not judgments that we pass to our little friends. When we have a problem with someone, we should go to them about it... NOT EVERYONE AND ANYONE ELSE!!!!!! It bothers me to sit here and take the stares of those around me and have no idea why i'm getting those in the first place. It bothers me to hear people that are my close friends come to me and say "Have you heard what is being said about you"...NO!!! That is the point. The Game of Gossip is to to make sure that subject is the last person to know, but how many people can you pass it on before they find out. Our christain society preaches accountability, but lacks it. If more christain's stepped up and actually confronted those that they had problems with, what is the worse that could happen? You find it to be the best idea? You see that more and more things start to happen for not only the best for you, but also the best for everyone including that person. Im so tired of Gossip,... GROW UP!!!! Take a stand if its something you believe in, if its something you think to be true.

Death

No matter how fearless a person may think they are there is still one thing in life that can make a person cry and that is Death. People do alot of talk and say that they can stare death in the face and not be scared to die, to honesty is that those people hide what they feel by what they know wont happen. In all honesty i am afraid of death more than anything, and to tell you the truth at this very momenti am staring it in the eyes. being afraid dosent mean that you are weak it just means that you have a sence of life and that you can admit to it. dont be afraid to stand and say that you are afraid, dont be afraid to say that you have a fear, dont try to be something that you are not, because the whole world is there at your back and fear is staring you down. I know this from personal experience i am faceing death and it scares me to leave the ones that i love but i know that in the Future that time will come and who knows if it will be today tomorrow or next year but i do know that fear is the greatest fear itself.

"High S's"

So today we had to take something called the "D.I.S.C Profile". This is an Assessment of your personal traits. This is not to be confused with a personality assessment. Well in taking this I found myself to be a "High S, Secondary I" ok well here is what that means:

S- "Steadiness"

Description of "High S's"

• Performing in a consisten, predictable manner
• Demonstrating patience
• Developing specialized skills
• Desiring to help others
• Showing loyalty
• Being a good listener
• Calming excited people
• Creating a stable, harmonious work environment

Relating to "High S's

Try to...

• Be logical and systematic in your approach
• provide a consistent and secure environment
• Let them know how things will be done
• Use sincere appreciation
• Show their importance to organizational good
• Let them move slowly into change

Be Prepared For...

• Friendly approach to colleagues and supervisors
• Resistance to change
• Difficulty prioritizing
• Difficulty with deadlines

Forbidden

Hold me close, never let me go.

The reality of my past sinking, bleeding from every scar.

Your eyes follow mine to the path I have made,

The blood being the only mark.

My breath begins to lower to only a fait wisper,

The grasp I have on reality slowly begins to slip,

The pain I have caused, I can not feel.

The tears of your eyes lock the seal.

A fallen angel from the sky above,

Wings torn and tattered,

A once pure soul now tainted,

Her choice set in stone.

Eyes to gaze upon her perfect mortal,

A request to God, please grant me my way,

Staying away from her own mind

Her memory just a passion now

flutter by on wings of fallen angels.

Not sure where to stop or where to go,

where to stay or what to do.

Life spiraling down into the center of my own destroyed soul.

Forbidden love between an angel and a mortal.

Rules

We go through every day following Rules that have been set down before us. When we think about it, what rules are we really following? Are we following Rules cause they are there. or are we following rules cause they are based on the will of God? I believe the will of God is the only rule we should follow. I believe the only rules we should follow are the ones placed before us in the Holy Book. If something says that its based on the Bible than I don't believe its own "spin" should be put on. Sorry I know im ranting but this is really burdening me. Morality is one thing but alteration is another.

Heartbreak

This is by far the hardest thing I think I have had to do in a long time. God I just need your strength, your wisdom, and your love. She has done wrong and her wrong needs to be set right. Grant me the strength to make it through this cause alone I can't. I'm broken down and beaten and hurt by the choices she has made. I'm hurt by the thought of loosing an friend. Its hard to believe the things she says anymore, I want to believe her I want to trust that she made somewhat of the right decision but I just can't. She keeps saying I want to change, I want to be different. But time after time after time she goes back to her old ways. Rules are made for a reason no matter how stupid they are. She claims she acts out of Love. Is it Love or is it Lust? Is it a decision of the Heart, or a weakness of the Flesh? God I need your strength to make it through this I need your wisdom and you knowledge. With trembling hands I come before you and just pray that you would do the right thing in her life. Convict her. Punish her. Show her the wrong of her ways. God you are a God of Judgment and also a God of Forgiveness. Show her what she has done and teach her the lesson she needs to learn.
Amen

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Sacred

Sex... ok, awkward subject I know... I'm sorry! But I have had something that has really just been laying on my heart lately. I believe that sex is a very sacred thing and should only be shared when you are with that special person, the person you KNOW your going to be with forever. I know at a young age it is kinda pressed on you, but at the age of like 17, 18, 19 you don't know who you are going to be with for the rest of your life your to young to even know. Sometimes that person may come into your life, but at that age your not ready. Marriage is a spiritual bond, saved for the special man/woman God puts in your life. Sex should be to. Think about it. Every time you sleep with someone that is giving you less and less of your heart to give to that special person someday. Make sure you have as much of your heart to give. Only one earthy being deserves the full contents of you heart. God is preparing a special person for you. That person deserves to get your full heart cause they are going to love you unconditionally. If they dont then they are not sent by God. Make your decisions based on your heart, not your head. A decision made from the head is made out of your own will, where a decision made from the heart is one given to you by God. Isaiah 55:8 " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."

Class

Well its a bit difficult to pay attention in any morning class. Sitting here my mind likes to wander to any subject but the one the teacher is talking about. I know I should be paying attention but o well lol. Seems to me that I would rather Blog than pay attention. Bad me!!! I hate writing essays I am not able to completely express my whole mind in the form of a stupid essay. let me just free write, let me just be me myself. Sorry im ranting and not wanting to type the stupid essay im havieng to type.

Commitment

Everyone struggles with commitment. But there is a line that no one should cross. When you have your heart committed to someone you shouldn't be giving another person a piece of that heart. Just like God wants all our love and all our attention. He gives us the ability to give Earthly love to a certain person, but this love is special. Not just your friends. People like your Husband, boyfriend, or family. Your just opening your self up for hurt and emotional destruction. When you are with a guy and you tell them you love them, how can you stand to turn around and kiss another, hold another guys hand, and tell another guy you LOVE them. Love is not a light word! Its a word that should be cherished. That feeling should be shared with ONE person not multiple. A kiss is a valued thing. Don't be sharing that will multiple people. If you cant take a Commitment and embrace it. Than go ahead and ruin your life by giving yourself to multiple hearts.

Love

When was the last time someone told you they loved you? When was the last time someone told you that you were special, beautiful, the most important thing next to our Father? Every day I have a very special man who isn't afraid to tell me all of this plus soo much more. Love is patient, Love is kind, and Love is understaning. God has given me an amazing man who treats me as im the most important thing in this world. The one thing we have come to a common agreement on is that God is by far the most important thing in our relationship. I love that this man puts God first and me second. Prayer has brought us together and Prayer has kept us together, and I pray that God will keep us together. He has helped me realize alot about my life and the things I do in it. He also helps hold me accountable for things I do in my life. He helps keep me walking a straight path in the name of God. I have been blessed. I have been given an amazing gift that I never want to let go of.

Friendships

I realize that there are so many different people in this world. But different people have different things about them that are good and are bad. Its the good and bad things about them that make them the perfect friends. "Your personality is a compliment to mine" I love it when I can find a friend like this. I have a handful of friends that are close to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very friendly person and I love to be friends with anyone who will take my friendship and embrace it, but its the few friends that I have that I know I can trust. Its the things about them that bring out the best in me. When I find a friend like this I hold them close to me, I hold them dear to my heart forever. Since I have come to New York my friendships have changed, but I believe for the best. I have gained so many friends that hold me accountable for the things I have done in my past, and they hold me up to God and keep my spirits high. I love every single one of my friends and I will always be here for them no matter what.

Death

No matter how fearless a person may think they are there is still one thing in life that can make a person cry and that is Death. People do a lot of talk and say that they can stare death in the face and not be scared to die, to honesty is that those people hide what they feel by what they know wont happen. In all honesty i am afraid of death more than anything, and to tell you the truth at this very moment am staring it in the eyes. being afraid doesn't mean that you are weak it just means that you have a sense of life and that you can admit to it. don't be afraid to stand and say that you are afraid, don't be afraid to say that you have a fear, don't try to be something that you are not, because the whole world is there at your back and fear is staring you down. I know this from personal experience i am facing death and it scares me to leave the ones that i love but i know that in the Future that time will come and who knows if it will be today tomorrow or next year but i do know that fear is the greatest fear itself.

Image

Ok, so life has its ways to totally surprise you. Things happen in life when we least expect them to. People come and go into life, but its the ones that matter that leave the marks that will be with you forever. Its also the ones that stay with you that mean the most. Opinions can always make everlasting marks but its the opinions of the purest hearts that matter the most. When you look at yourself, can you say "I'm beautiful", can you tell yourself "I know who I am and I, don't have to be anyone else"? Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. In my opinion that "beholder" is God and he will always look at you and tell you that you are beautiful. I was once told that a picture can only capture a fraction of the actual beauty of that image. Its when we can take that imagery and see past the paper and into the reality of it that we can truly understand how marvelous or how beautiful something really is.