Forbidden

Hold me close, never let me go.

The reality of my past sinking, bleeding from every scar.

Your eyes follow mine to the path I have made,

The blood being the only mark.

My breath begins to lower to only a fait wisper,

The grasp I have on reality slowly begins to slip,

The pain I have caused, I can not feel.

The tears of your eyes lock the seal.

A fallen angel from the sky above,

Wings torn and tattered,

A once pure soul now tainted,

Her choice set in stone.

Eyes to gaze upon her perfect mortal,

A request to God, please grant me my way,

Staying away from her own mind

Her memory just a passion now

flutter by on wings of fallen angels.

Not sure where to stop or where to go,

where to stay or what to do.

Life spiraling down into the center of my own destroyed soul.

Forbidden love between an angel and a mortal.

Rules

We go through every day following Rules that have been set down before us. When we think about it, what rules are we really following? Are we following Rules cause they are there. or are we following rules cause they are based on the will of God? I believe the will of God is the only rule we should follow. I believe the only rules we should follow are the ones placed before us in the Holy Book. If something says that its based on the Bible than I don't believe its own "spin" should be put on. Sorry I know im ranting but this is really burdening me. Morality is one thing but alteration is another.

Heartbreak

This is by far the hardest thing I think I have had to do in a long time. God I just need your strength, your wisdom, and your love. She has done wrong and her wrong needs to be set right. Grant me the strength to make it through this cause alone I can't. I'm broken down and beaten and hurt by the choices she has made. I'm hurt by the thought of loosing an friend. Its hard to believe the things she says anymore, I want to believe her I want to trust that she made somewhat of the right decision but I just can't. She keeps saying I want to change, I want to be different. But time after time after time she goes back to her old ways. Rules are made for a reason no matter how stupid they are. She claims she acts out of Love. Is it Love or is it Lust? Is it a decision of the Heart, or a weakness of the Flesh? God I need your strength to make it through this I need your wisdom and you knowledge. With trembling hands I come before you and just pray that you would do the right thing in her life. Convict her. Punish her. Show her the wrong of her ways. God you are a God of Judgment and also a God of Forgiveness. Show her what she has done and teach her the lesson she needs to learn.
Amen

Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Sacred

Sex... ok, awkward subject I know... I'm sorry! But I have had something that has really just been laying on my heart lately. I believe that sex is a very sacred thing and should only be shared when you are with that special person, the person you KNOW your going to be with forever. I know at a young age it is kinda pressed on you, but at the age of like 17, 18, 19 you don't know who you are going to be with for the rest of your life your to young to even know. Sometimes that person may come into your life, but at that age your not ready. Marriage is a spiritual bond, saved for the special man/woman God puts in your life. Sex should be to. Think about it. Every time you sleep with someone that is giving you less and less of your heart to give to that special person someday. Make sure you have as much of your heart to give. Only one earthy being deserves the full contents of you heart. God is preparing a special person for you. That person deserves to get your full heart cause they are going to love you unconditionally. If they dont then they are not sent by God. Make your decisions based on your heart, not your head. A decision made from the head is made out of your own will, where a decision made from the heart is one given to you by God. Isaiah 55:8 " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."

Class

Well its a bit difficult to pay attention in any morning class. Sitting here my mind likes to wander to any subject but the one the teacher is talking about. I know I should be paying attention but o well lol. Seems to me that I would rather Blog than pay attention. Bad me!!! I hate writing essays I am not able to completely express my whole mind in the form of a stupid essay. let me just free write, let me just be me myself. Sorry im ranting and not wanting to type the stupid essay im havieng to type.

Commitment

Everyone struggles with commitment. But there is a line that no one should cross. When you have your heart committed to someone you shouldn't be giving another person a piece of that heart. Just like God wants all our love and all our attention. He gives us the ability to give Earthly love to a certain person, but this love is special. Not just your friends. People like your Husband, boyfriend, or family. Your just opening your self up for hurt and emotional destruction. When you are with a guy and you tell them you love them, how can you stand to turn around and kiss another, hold another guys hand, and tell another guy you LOVE them. Love is not a light word! Its a word that should be cherished. That feeling should be shared with ONE person not multiple. A kiss is a valued thing. Don't be sharing that will multiple people. If you cant take a Commitment and embrace it. Than go ahead and ruin your life by giving yourself to multiple hearts.

Love

When was the last time someone told you they loved you? When was the last time someone told you that you were special, beautiful, the most important thing next to our Father? Every day I have a very special man who isn't afraid to tell me all of this plus soo much more. Love is patient, Love is kind, and Love is understaning. God has given me an amazing man who treats me as im the most important thing in this world. The one thing we have come to a common agreement on is that God is by far the most important thing in our relationship. I love that this man puts God first and me second. Prayer has brought us together and Prayer has kept us together, and I pray that God will keep us together. He has helped me realize alot about my life and the things I do in it. He also helps hold me accountable for things I do in my life. He helps keep me walking a straight path in the name of God. I have been blessed. I have been given an amazing gift that I never want to let go of.

Friendships

I realize that there are so many different people in this world. But different people have different things about them that are good and are bad. Its the good and bad things about them that make them the perfect friends. "Your personality is a compliment to mine" I love it when I can find a friend like this. I have a handful of friends that are close to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very friendly person and I love to be friends with anyone who will take my friendship and embrace it, but its the few friends that I have that I know I can trust. Its the things about them that bring out the best in me. When I find a friend like this I hold them close to me, I hold them dear to my heart forever. Since I have come to New York my friendships have changed, but I believe for the best. I have gained so many friends that hold me accountable for the things I have done in my past, and they hold me up to God and keep my spirits high. I love every single one of my friends and I will always be here for them no matter what.

Death

No matter how fearless a person may think they are there is still one thing in life that can make a person cry and that is Death. People do a lot of talk and say that they can stare death in the face and not be scared to die, to honesty is that those people hide what they feel by what they know wont happen. In all honesty i am afraid of death more than anything, and to tell you the truth at this very moment am staring it in the eyes. being afraid doesn't mean that you are weak it just means that you have a sense of life and that you can admit to it. don't be afraid to stand and say that you are afraid, don't be afraid to say that you have a fear, don't try to be something that you are not, because the whole world is there at your back and fear is staring you down. I know this from personal experience i am facing death and it scares me to leave the ones that i love but i know that in the Future that time will come and who knows if it will be today tomorrow or next year but i do know that fear is the greatest fear itself.

Image

Ok, so life has its ways to totally surprise you. Things happen in life when we least expect them to. People come and go into life, but its the ones that matter that leave the marks that will be with you forever. Its also the ones that stay with you that mean the most. Opinions can always make everlasting marks but its the opinions of the purest hearts that matter the most. When you look at yourself, can you say "I'm beautiful", can you tell yourself "I know who I am and I, don't have to be anyone else"? Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. In my opinion that "beholder" is God and he will always look at you and tell you that you are beautiful. I was once told that a picture can only capture a fraction of the actual beauty of that image. Its when we can take that imagery and see past the paper and into the reality of it that we can truly understand how marvelous or how beautiful something really is.